Opening Day video: Chicago's #1 Cubs fan (or at least the drunkest)

A good way to celebrate coming back to blogging...and baseball season.

Opening Day: The Cubs biggest fan from WBEZ on Vimeo.

It's fun to play the "Would you hit it?" game with hot messes like this chick. Can't see her body too much, but she's got butterface for sure. Clearly, she's primed to party (sleeping under bar tables is not for the weak of heart, stomach or mind...), even if a "hot guy game for anything" is married, as long as he knows the kind car he drives (I know you'd say "Porshe" you horny scumbag) and has a ticket for her. I'm married, so I wouldn't "hit it." If I were single, I still don't think I would. Henneman is strictly "a 2AM, the bar is closing, I'm going through a dry-spell and need it to end" kind of woman.

I shouldn't talk this way about a woman with such a sharp political intellect. And for those of you thinking she has a drinking problem, I'll defend her by saying she is trying to find a ride home so as to not drink and drive. She has brains for business and a bod for...

...sleeping under Hi-Tops' tables (you know that's where she was!).

Megan Fox looking hotter than ever. And some dude grabbing a piece of her.

I used to oogle Megan Fox when she was on Hope and Faith, even though she was only a teenager. Yeah, I'm either that pervy dude who scopes on-the-border-of-legality chicks or a Hollywood talent scout who missed his calling. Eh, same thing.

Here's a bunch of photos of Megan Fox from a recent magazine. The photo above is of Megan at the VMA awards. It looks like the dude behind her is pinching her azz and it made me chuckle. That's one lucky hand! Although he might be enjoying too much if he's closing his eyes...hope Megan's outfit has stainguard!

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Pluto

The things women think "woo" men are sweet notions, but let's be realistic. Here's the real list of 5 things that make men smile (I won't limit to a particular order, since every man is different):

1. Sex
2. Sports
3. Beer
4. Sleep
5. Food

Single ladies: want to land a guy for the long haul? Feed him (cook or go out), encourage him to drink, update him on the sports scores that night (he'll think you're cooler than Mary from "There's Something About Mary"), give him some action (at least 2nd base, but not a homerun...don't be a prude if you want to seal the deal) and then let him sleep. He'll be in love the next morning. Trust this.

Happy Memorial Day weekend!

This weekend is supposed to be about remembering American soldiers who have done so much for this country. Even if I don't agree with war, I do appreciate soldiers being dedicated and carrying out the job they signed up for. That said, I'd like to honor those soldiers: by posting photos of chicks in bikinis to celebrate the beginning of summer (cause that's kind of what the weekend is about too).







NOTE: I've had these photos to spank it to on my laptop forever. If anyone can figure out where they're from, I'll prviide the link. I think it was a website called "Las Vegas CR" or something?

The Girls of Summer 2009

This could be my favorite post ever of today.

Click HERE for hot chicks in summer flicks!

Hot golfer. Yeah, I said it.

Where did Maria Verchenova come from? Never heard of her before today. I'm fairly sure she's the Danica Patrick or Anna Kournakova of golfing, but that's not entirely a bad thing. Well, it's bad for her if she wants to be taken seriously. Good for horny mofos like me who want to look at her while spanking it watching golf.

Zooey: ultimate Manic Pixie Dream Girl?

I gotta admit I dig Zooey Deschanel too. Even though the Hitchhiker's movie sucked, she was perfect casting for Trillian.

Here's some movies I might have watched if she'd been in them. BTW, the Manic Pixie Dream Girl is "that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures."

Yep, that's her.

"Honey, I'm having a great time golfing this weekend. Thanks for letting me go on this trip."

On a funny note, I had to post this pic I found when searching for an "extreme golf" photo. Extreme, meaning bodacious ta-tas, I guess.

My hero.

Supertrooper

Going back to my posting on George Lucas crushing childhood memories by padding his wallet. There is one plus to the Star Wars marketing machine: rollplaying in bed.

Stormtrooper Seksi reporting for duty!

Wii need to workout together.

I found this photo while searching for pics for all of my Wii Fit soapbox posts. not sure who she is or why she's the Wii workout girl, but the Wii Fit looks to be working for her. Maybe it's the jello shots that work for her?


Is there booby holding game on the Wii Fit? Cause if so, I may change my view of it.

The big head thinking for the small head. Does that work?

I found an article about things to consider before cheating on your wife/girlfriend that I thought was funny. The article's not that funny and reads like it was written by a woman for Cosmo magazine. What's funny is the politically correct way the article rationalizes what you should think to not cheat. For example:

"Yes, traveling for business is lonely. Phone home for a bicoastal quickie."

Because nothing will make you "limp" faster than your wife NOT wanting to give a blowjob during phone sex either.

Or how about this:

"If a woman who knows you're spoken for comes on to you, it's flattering. It's tempting. But remember that she's doing it to feed her own ego, not yours."

Is "ego" code for something else?

"You're about to be with the kind of woman who wants to be with the kind of man who would cheat on a woman."

So, what's your point?

"Or, to paraphrase Neil Simon, do to yourself what you would otherwise do unto others."

Who knew there were so many flexible dudes with no gag reflex? Yep, thinking about them would get me out of the cheating mood!

"At the office party, pretend the coworker who's flirting with you has gonorrhea."

And genital warps. Yep, this will work. Anytime the wang can be damaged or hurt, the party's over. Time to go home and rub one out!

Tough call.

OK, so I guess they'll both have to be in an issue. Together hopefully!

On a side note, what the hell is going on with Hugh Hefner? Clearly, he's not banging these young blondes all the time. Viagra surely has kept him the game well after he should've retired, but even a drug has limits. He had 3 chicks (Kendra, Holly and Bridget) who obvioulsy cared about him and the Playboy franchise (even if they can't make Hef's taffy pole work). He bounces them for a set of Florida trash twins? Someone call the senile wagon.

Chicago may need 2nd Prohibition

Yeah, Peavy in Wrigleyville might not be the smartest idea! He'll never be a match for Orton though. Orton's an average leader on the field, but he's a hardcore player off the field! Just view the man, the myth, the legend:

I guess it's better than Scandinavia.

Canada the future world power?

The US might be in for hard times, while Russia and Canada strike it rich. I'm officially frightened: Hockey will be poised to become the dominant global sport!

Sometimes I feel like the world is trying to tell me something...

Now THIS is a book I can get with!

Division champs!

Cubs clinch!

Unholy matrimony?

Warning to male readers: do not let your wife/girlfriend force you into watching the Sex in the City movie. Unless you feel like answering a bunch of questions (more like defending yourself as a man/husband/boyfriend, really...), don't do it. It's a piece of garbage chick flick, a waste of time and will only do you (and your marriage/relationship) harm. A couple of f*ckey time scenes, but no boobage or vag (so it doesn't even have nudity going for it).

Magic #: 1

Well, we didn't get the win today, but we'll get'em tomorrow. It's better to clinch and celebrate right after the game anyway. Yet another work of fate set-up for "Our Year."



And how sweet it'll be to clinch while playing St. Louis!

Magic number: 2!

What a game today! I can't decide if the Cubs were resourceful enough to stay in the game or if the Brewers weren't good enough to stay in it. I'm going with the former. Hope they clinch tomorrow and can relax some guys before the playoffs. I think the rest from Ike did them well and they could use more of it. I still can't decide if I want them to start against the Mets or Phillies? Still have a week to think about it...in the meantime:

BOOTAY!


Don't be said, kid. The Cubs may have lost, but your mom's a MILF.