Saturday, November 15, 2008

Hooters is open at 2 AM?

Now I know where to get some late night wings and tail!

Not sure how I missed THIS article. I can't decide if Daly would be a complete dick to play golf with or the ultimate golf buddy. Asshole or entertaining, you decide...

SC priest taking on the "Renegade."

The Secret Service gets the honor of coming up with code names for the president-elect and his family. Mr. Obama will be known as "Renegade." Michelle, a woman of many talents, will be referred to as "Renaissance." Malia Obama's name will be "Radiance," while little sister Sasha's will be "Rosebud."

And what of the Bidens? His name will be "Celtic." His wife Jill will be "Capri."

Now I know how to spot intrinsic evil!

Good to know there's still seperation of church and state:

"Voting for a pro-abortion politician when a plausible pro-life alternative exists constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil, and those Catholics who do so place themselves outside of the full communion of Christ's Church and under the judgment of divine law. Persons in this condition should not receive Holy Communion until and unless they are reconciled to God in the Sacrament of Penance, lest they eat and drink their own condemnation."
I prefer to look at the glass as half-full. People in South Carolina have a legit reason to skip church...well other than wanting to sleep in on a Sunday.

Is it March yet?!

Who watches the Watchmen?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Invest in your future.

Who needs money in the bank for mortgages? I've seen a couple of stories on the news lately about how the only markets that have seen inceased sales in this crap economy are:

1. Fast food
2. Guns

IRS joke

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration. The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. 'Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Sicker. Sicker. Sicker.

"There'll be no monkey business. And save some for your father."

Bad-ass name alert: Massimo Marengo

HERE is an article about a new solar system that was discovered that is basically a young version of the Milky Way, so scientists can observe to see how our system may have developed. Ok, cool. But what's really cool? There's a man on our planet named Massimo Marengo and he's not a Cuban bongo player. He's an astronomer at the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics in Cambridge, Mass! You know he's the don juan of astronomers with a porn name like that.

Just a little off the sides and a lot on my lap.

Question #1: do you tip if you get a crappy cut?
Question #2: do you tip if she's a butterface?

Sick. Sick. Sick.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Reflecting. No, seriously.

After an ugly election season and partisan political sides still arguing, I'm trying to get into the holiday spirit and trying to think of a better tomorrow. Remembering what's important in life...

Sometimes I feel like the world is trying to tell me something...

Now THIS is a book I can get with!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Panic/murder/sexy-time room?

Hidden Door Co.
I just thought this was so cool and I'd love to get a hidden room someday. You know, somewhere private for me to chop up bodies. I wonder if they make rooms soundproof? You know Webster used to crawl up that grandfather clock to get to his scret room for cutting up squirrels and bunnies, right? No? Geez, you're naive.

No, but seriously. I do think these look cool and I'm wondering how you seal up a room to have them installed. Is it as simple as saying, "I want a wall and boookcase over there to you can't get into the dining room?" And as if I wasn't sick and twisted already (see above joke about murdering people...), I'm thinking a secret room would be pperfect for quickies while the kids are home. "Mom, where's my boookbag?" "Dad, can I borrow $10?" Not now kids, your parents are doing sexy-times in the hidden sexy room!

Er, somebody tell Sam the unlicensed plumber.

Ohio fucked McCain. Actually, the economy fucked McCain. Guess suspending his campaign to promote socialism (because we all know a goverment controlling banks is socialism, right?) didn't work.

So, Obama's President. Not officially yet, but Obama just has to win Cali, Oregon and Washington (combining for 73 electorals) for him to win. For those old, redneck, racist Republican voters who didn't finish school, that means McCain could sweep the rest of the country and still not win. Don't wake him to tell him though. Let him get his rest tonight. Sleep keeps death away.

Like I said, I'm sad no more Palin posts. No more Tina Fey on SNL genius! Sucks. Guess we'll see in 2012 if she'll become the first PILF!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

It's just too easy.

Then again, so is she. Ba-dom-bom. Here's Palin getting a nailin:

My next political post.

Basically, I'm an independent voter who's advocated unsuccessfully (most people roll their eyes) every election that the US needs a legit multi-party system. I've trashed McCain/Palin multiple times in postings, but that's manily becuase, in addition to being idiots, they're entertaining. You gotta give them that. I've laid off Obama, but that's more out of boredom.

Imagine my surprise when I voted that there's the Democratic ticket, the Republican ticket and...the Consitution ticket, the Green ticket and the Libertarian ticket. And Ralph Nader. Multiple choices on the ballot. WTF? I can't even find a descent website comparing Obama's and McCain's platforms side-by-side. How am I supposed to find the 411 on candidates not mentioned at all? Hell, it's not even like they were mentioned enough to be smeared by the "major" parties.

Well, I voted and I'll keep my vote between me and my God. God being Johnny Walker Black. God help us!