Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It'll be all my fault...



Psych! I already early voted, which I'll discuss in my next political post.

Snoozing with the Stars.

Don't you like "stars" who's careers are in the crapper join "Dancing with the Washed-up Stars" and get chips on their shoulders? Newsflash: your 15 minutes are still up. Then, they all think it's a real profesisonal competition. It's a reality show about dancing, not Masterpeice Theatre.

In any case, the only reason to watch this season (Brooke Burke, who's a hot MILF now, is only worth watching in a bikini) was 82 year old Cloris Leachman trying to dance (unsuccessfully) and making fun of how this crap reality show has gotten too serious for it's own good. The other has-beens didn't want to be brought back into reality (aka they're still losers), so they started a backlash vote and Cloris got voted off last night. Oh well, it's not like I DVR this shit.

Below is, IMO, Cloris' best performance. Skip to the 2:55 mark for the real action (and by action I mean laughs...) to start.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Now this is some father and son bonding.

THIS article is disturbing on multiple levels:

1. There are uzis at gun shows?
2. Eight year olds are allowed to handle them?
3. While they're loaded?
4. Is there any way these people won't vote next week?

It's stories like this that have made the US a laughing stock to other countries. Honestly, if you don't travel much, talk to someone who has. It's a joke to hear foreigners talk about how Americans shoot each other all of the time. I'm too tired this morning to sugarcoat it. We're raising morons in the backwoods of this country and they're continuing the cycle. I would've thought Massachuesetts was kind of safe, but I guess idiots will travel to anywhere to have their 8 year old son shoot a submachine gun.

Free Taco



Free Tacos at Taco Bell tomorrow between 2PM and 6PM. There, I've done my civic duty to get this important news bulletin out there.

Wait a second. Free tacos in October? Free Dr. Pepper in November? Socialism in the US is coming. Somebody call McCain. The old coot is right. It's the end of capitalism and the American dream!!


Saturday, October 25, 2008

Not as cool as "Flash 4 Obama," but I'll give them credit for getting their idea out there early.

Rednecks for Obama

Some of their slogans:

'I don't care about his beer, I care about his intelligence.'
'We've had many democratic presidents, and we will still have our guns.'
'He is brilliant. And he's not an elitist, though he has the education to be.'
'We need to build the economy from the bottom up, none of this trickle down business. Just because you're white and southern don't mean you have to vote Republican.'


Some of my slogans, if I was a genius like these guys and started my website earlier in the election:

'I like boobs and so does Obama.'
'McCain wants Cold Wars. Obama wants cold nipples.'
'Obama supports the economy and breasts. He'll use his head for both.'
'Obama motorboats.'


I need to copyright this shit before someone steals it!

Full disclosure.

I know my postings have typos. Sometimes they're intentional for my dumb sense of humor, but mostly it's because I went to a small Catholic high school and didn't take a typing course. And I too fat and lazy to go back and correct posts. Not that being fat has anything to do with it. Although, my gut hitting the spacebar a lot doesn't help.

Anyway, I'm leaving the messups.

Backwards for sure.

I gotta stop h8ing on Palin and McCain. There are Americans who believe they're the best choice for the top office. These voters identify with their platform of honesty and determination. And unfortunately, some McCain supporters are now being attacked for their beliefs, as evidenced HERE.

Wait a second. Was that a backwards B on her cheek? An update on the story: Say it isn't so?

She doesn't remember what happened? Before or after the 6'4" black man jumped her at the ATM, after seeing her bumper sticker? That sounds like a lot of detail recollection to me. And I can see how her false report wasn't racially motivated. It's not like she said an injun tried to scalp her outside of a casino. She can't remember the past and the McCain/Palin ticket can't either. It's almost poetic symbolism.

In a nutshell, I think it's important I keep h8ting on Palin and McCain. Because really, their supporters are dumbasses, plain and simple. Emphasis on simple. An Obama fake victim would've carved a J on her tits. Not only would that have taken the drawing-it-backwards-in-a-mirror issue out of the scam, but it would've shown her commitment, dedication and slutiness for the Obama platform. Oh, you know us Obama supporters get freaky deaky.

Damn, I should've sold some "Flash 4 Obama" t-shirts on Cafe Press. You know that shit would've been gold.

I called 911 too!

Operator: 911. State your emergency.
ET: Well, it's not an emergency but do you know why this country would elect old, Puritan, elitist idiots again?
Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about politics?
ET: Fuck you.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Free Dr. Pepper. What if I refer Mr. Pibb?

Dr Pepper is ready to give out free soda coupons to every American when the new GunsnRoses album releases on Nov. 23, 2008. If you're out to get a free Dr Pepper, just follow these simple steps:

HOW TO GET YOUR FREE DR PEPPER

1. On the Nov. 23, 2008 release date, go to www.drpepper.com

2. Register your information to receive a coupon for one free 20-oz. Dr Pepper.

3. When your coupon arrives, redeem it wherever Dr Pepper is sold.

4. Drink your Dr Pepper slowly to experience all 23 flavors. Dr's orders.

Coupons will be available for 24 hours, starting at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time on Nov. 23, 2008. Allow 4-6 weeks for coupon to arrive. Coupons will expire on Feb. 28, 2009. Limit one coupon per person. Full terms and conditions available at www.drpepper.com

More of the same.



Thursday, October 23, 2008

Undecided on a balanced budget? Undecided on equal rights? Undecided on peace?


Author David Sedaris, on undecided voters:

“I look at these people and can't quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention? To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it? To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Not sure about this.


Avengers lead-up

Marvel comics have so many versions and variant characters. This might be hard for them to pull off. But, superheroes are cool so I'm game. I've also heard there's an "adults only" Catwoman/WonderWoman video cumming soon. I'm most definitely game for that.


Green speed.

5 Eco-cars faster than a Porsche!

IMO, one of the positives to the economic crisis is US auto companies are going to be forced to merger and go back to the drawing board designing eco cars that are affodable, reliable and PRACTICAL (say, being able to transport more than 2 poeple?). Since "Buy American" doesn't apply any more (most cars are assempled in different countries and many foreign cars are assembled by US workers on US soil), the auotmobile lobby needs to lose it's influenced and be confronted the US consumers deserve more options. Maybe there'll be an eco-SUV some day?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Is the weekend here yet?

What a long ass week. Would it be wrong to buy one of these? I wouldn't bring it to parties or BBQ's. Just for home when I'm feeling sad. Wrong?

Sam the non-plumber.



And here I actually thought McCain had a great argument with using Joe the plumber as an example of how Obama's tax plan might not be fair. Joe the plumber: the name itself couldn't be any more perfect if it were "Joe American." Which is why I knew something was wrong with Joe the plumber. I thought it was that he looks like the kind of guy who rides a John Deere to Walgreens or who bangs his wife with his jeans still on. Nope. What's wrong is he's just another lying, non-tax paying crybaby. I'll provide the evidence in an article and video interview below to prove it. I'll summarize the nuts and bolts for expediency:

1. He doesn't have $250,000 or make $250,000.
2. He doesn't have the opportunity to buy the company he works for.
3. He's not a licensed plumber.
4. He already owes back taxes.
5. His name isn't Joe. (It's Sam.)

WTF???!!!!!!!!! So, at the Ohio Obama rally: Why would he introduce himself (as Joe, not Sam), say he's a plumber (which he's not) and present Senator Obama with a scenario that a future tax scheme is preventing him from buying a company (which clearly it's not)? And the made up purchase price ($250K) just happpens to be the lowest cut-off for increased taxes under said plan? GOP plant! Ringer!!

In a nutshell, Sam the unlicensed "plumber" doesn't ever want to pay a higher tax rate on $250,000, even though he can't even afford to pay $1,183 in back taxes. You can see the details here: Samuel the Plumber

And here's Diane Sawyer getting Sam to admit he's just as broke as the rest of us:
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=10234011

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Can I vote for Joe the Plumber?


Watched the last debate tonight. Same old politics. Speaking of old, I couldn't get past was how old McCain looked. Is it just me or did it seem like the left side of his face was swollen? It looked like his left cheek was falling off when it rubbed against his shirt coller. And his teeth look like Indian corn when he smiled. That last smile he had over the school vouchers was frightening. Expect to see that photo on this blog in the future, because I will forver be haunted by it and I need for you to suffer too. What can I say, I'm a giver.

One more note on the debate: who knew it was so easy to fix the economic crisis? No one knows what the fuck is going on (except maybe Warren Buffett and Alan Greenspan) but yet these two nimrods have all the answers?

Maybe Fox News can give her a show?

I gotta admit I'm going to miss Sarah Palin after the election. Every story needs a villain, right? Politics will be boring for a while, but at least the country will be put on the right track again. Then once the economy has a surplus, we can go back to a Puritanistic state.



Is this video pro-Palin or anti-Palin? Seriously, I can make an argument for both! And I think schools need to focus on teaching kids how to properly pronounce nuclear. Nucular? It's like a GOP code word or something.

I know mom said to avoid yellow snow, but...

video

So that's where the banking funds went!



Great news, everyone. I know how to fix the economic crisis. We have to eliminate booze, drugs and hookers from the country. Yep. Screw the economy, right?
"Since early spring, maybe late winter, there's just been an increase, and I believe it might have something to do with the economy," he says. "A lot of the Wall Streeters use sex as a way to cope with stress. Bankers do tend to rely on pretty unhealthy ways of coping with stress - drugs, sex.

H2Oh no.

Maybe Evian is Naive?

The study's lab tests on 10 brands of bottled water detected 38 chemicals including bacteria, caffeine, the pain reliever acetaminophen, fertilizer, solvents, plastic-making chemicals and the radioactive element strontium. Though some probably came from tap water that some companies use for their bottled water, other contaminants probably leached from plastic bottles, the researchers said.




Friday, October 10, 2008

She's been naughty.

And she's been found: dirty! That being said, she can abuse me anytime, naughty maverick MILF!

A legislative committee investigating Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has found she unlawfully abused her authority in firing the state's public safety commissioner. The investigative report concludes that a family grudge wasn't the sole reason for firing Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan but says it likely was a contributing factor. The Republican vice presidential nominee has been accused of firing a commissioner to settle a family dispute. Palin supporters have called the investigation politically motivated. Monegan says he was dismissed as retribution for resisting pressure to fire a state trooper involved in a bitter divorce with the governor's sister. Palin says Monegan was fired as part of a legitimate budget dispute.

Yeah, she won't abuse any power when she's the #2 most important American on the planet. Sorry, I mean #5 most important. I forgot about Angelina Jolie, Paris Hilton and Rush Limbaugh.

Tired of the conservative media?

The Daily Show definitely needs an Emmy for it's election coverage. Great stuff.

In keeping with this theme...

From "poker hard" to Porkher!

Somebody had a sense of humor.



I saw this tombstone online (don't ask me where...I browse some weird shit) and thought, "Huh, cool way to acknowledge someone, not too morbid." I mean, obviously it's a sad remembrance, what with carefully scrabbled phrases like "fiance, young son, football, poker hard, genius, sweet." Oh, you didn't notice "poker hard?" Bet you do now.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

No love for Obama




I'm really trash talking McCain and Palin lately, but I don't want people to think I'm an Obama fan or a Democrat. I'm an Independent voter and I don't think we'll actually be covered by the notion of "no taxation without representation" until we have a viable multiparty political system that doesn't capitalize on the polarity of political issues.

Basically, I hate choosing between the lesser of 2 evils. But, that's the USA's current political climate and IMO, Obama is the lesser of 2 evils. I can see the argument that his political agenda (in line with other Dems) will support more socialism than capitalism. However, I'd rather see all of the taxes I pay go to schools, roads and parks (heck, even Washington salaries...) than CEO's and lobbyists. Capitlaism doesn't need any more support, at least not for another 8 years until we get a surplus again.

Obama & Pelosi are tied up in their own scandals right now too. I just think the Dems are better for the country in today's political climate. Our taxes will go up no matter who's in office (to support the bailout), but I think Obama would get the economy back on track by ending the war (see my posting about Iraq being one of only a few countries who is making money


Never mind. He has his own website.

I found Joe Sixpack. He's a beer reporter.


He takes beer very seriously. Too seriously. He doesn't seem like the stumbling drunk cousin I was hoping for the White House.

Maybe I'm wrong and this is the real Joe Sixpack website? Joe Sixpack revealed? Let's hope not. Palin said in the debate she's tolerant of homos. We just didn't realize she was talking about Joe again!


Where's Joe?

On the plus side, the next 4 years could be entertainging as all hell. Who cares if we all lose our houses and retirement money? With Sarah and Joe Sixpack running the country, the US will run on laughs, not money.



I know, I know. Joe Sixpack does not make a cameo in the trailer. How come no photos have surfaced of Joe? Is Joe Sixpack her husband? Her son's hockey coach? America needs to know! Finding Joe Sixpack is harder than finding Waldo, no doubt.

Is your life better than it was 8 years ago?

It's peculiar that McCain and Palin aren't familiar with the Bush doctrine because they're platform is essentially based on it. If you want corporate CEO's to keep getting richer while the average person gets unemployed, un-insured and un-housed, vote McCain/Palin. It's your conscience that has to deal with it.



(BTW, if you voted for Bush in the past 2 elections, how'd that work out for you? Is your life better now than 8 years ago? This is the question people should be asking themselves.)

In the two most recent domestic financial crises in our generation (the S&L crisis in 1989, and today's), both were caused by banking deregulation. Both wrecked the housing market. Surprise, surprise: guess who's knee deep in prompting deregulation for his silver spoon buddies? McCain backed deregulation both times. He was "Mr. Deregulation" for CEO's and banks right up until August 2008.

Check it out here: McCain: good for war, bad for economy!

In addition to McCain's close kickback ties with Charles Keating in the Savings & Loan scandal, McCain's campaign co-chair lobbied for the latest deregulating that prompted today's financial crisis:

The general co-chairman of John McCain’s presidential campaign, former Sen. Phil Gramm (R-Texas), led the charge in 1999 to repeal a Depression-era banking regulation law.

Gramm’s role in the swift and dramatic recent restructuring of the nation’s investment houses and practices didn’t stop there. A year after the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act repealed the old regulations, Swiss Bank UBS gobbled [merged with] up brokerage house Paine Weber. Two years later, Gramm settled in as a vice chairman of UBS’s new investment banking arm.

Later, he became a major player in its government affairs operation. According to federal lobbying disclosure records, Gramm lobbied Congress, the Federal Reserve and the Treasury Department about banking and mortgage issues in 2005 and 2006. During those years, the mortgage industry pressed Congress to roll back strong state rules that sought to stem the rise of predatory tactics used by lenders and brokers to place homeowners in high-cost mortgages.

For his work, Gramm and two other lobbyists collected $750,000 in fees from UBS’s American subsidiary. In the past year, UBS has written down more than $18 billion in exposure to subprime loans and other risky securities and is considering cutting as many as 8,000 jobs.


God Bless War.

We may not have given Iraq a complete democracy, but we definitely gave them wealth. Why are we still in Iraq again? Why can't they rebuild themselves with their own money and soldiers?

Iraq Better Off

Apparently immune to all the [economic] turbulence was Iraq . The government has little if any investments in the institutions affected by the crisis and a barely functioning stock market. Most Iraqis keep their money in their homes rather than trust banks.

"We don't believe it will affect our bank balance," said Minister of Industry Fawzi Hariri . "In the short term we'll be one of the least affected nations."

The Iraqi government has more than $25 billion in cash reserves. Even with oil prices dropping below $90 a barrel, the Iraqis forecast oil revenues to be in the neighborhood of $80 billion .


To vote for McCain in the next election, is a direct thumbs up to continuing an unnecessary and unwarranted war. And a vote to spin us into further economic crisis. Would the US be hurting so bad economically if we hadn't spent $586 billion dollars on the war to date?


Monday, October 6, 2008

TR2N

I can't believe I still don't have the original TRON on dvd. Pathetic. And I call myself a sci-fi fan.



Video and sequel updates are at: TR2N




We're sisters.

This skit was after the Palin debate intro. Fast forward to the 2:14 for something pretty damn funny.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Laughs for future Monday blues:

Guess I was wrong...

Why beat a dead horse: See you in the Spring, Cubbies.


How bout those Bears, huh?

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Groundhog Day fo sho.


Tons of negative comments by sports writers and bloggers all saying the same: the Cubs choked again and wait til next year. Shocker. Somebody call the Onion. Seriously, glad the Cubs didn't disappoint so they'd have something interesting to write about.

As a loser who still loves the Cubs and will every year, no matter how long it takes for them to win the top prize, all I can say is: if they win 3 more games, how epic a story that'll be.

The Morning After. Whatta Pill.



Some examples of facts cast adrift in the debate:

PALIN: Said of Democratic presidential candidate Obama: "94 times he voted to increase taxes or not support a tax reduction."

THE FACTS: The dubious count includes repetitive votes as well as votes to cut taxes for the middle class while raising them on the rich. An analysis by factcheck.org found that 23 of the votes were for measures that would have produced no tax increase at all, seven were in favor of measures that would have lowered taxes for many, 11 would have increased taxes on only those making more than $1 million a year.

PALIN: Criticized Obama's "plan to mandate health care coverage and have universal government run program" for health care, and added: "I don't think it's going to be real pleasing for Americans to consider health care being taken over by the Feds."

THE FACTS: Wrong on several counts. Obama's plan does not provide for universal coverage, only mandates insurance for children and doesn't turn the system over to the government. Most people would still get private insurance through their work. Obama proposes that the government subsidize the cost of health coverage for millions who have trouble affording it and he'd set up an exchange to negotiate prices and benefits with private insurers — with one option being a government-run plan.

PALIN: "Two years ago, remember, it was John McCain who pushed so hard with the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac reform measures. He sounded that warning bell."

THE FACTS: Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel of Nebraska led an effort in 2005 to tighten regulation on the mortgage underwriters — McCain joined as a co-sponsor a year later. The legislation was never taken up by the full Senate, then under Republican control.

OTHER BLUNDERS:
* Palin mistakenly claimed that troop levels in Iraq had returned to “pre-surge” levels. Levels are gradually coming down but current plans would have levels higher than pre-surge numbers through early next year, at least.

* Palin repeated a false claim that Obama once voted in favor of higher taxes on “families” making as little as $42,000 a year. He did not. The budget bill in question called for an increase only on singles making that amount, but a family of four would not have been affected unless they made at least $90,000 a year.

* Palin claimed McCain’s health care plan would be “budget neutral,” costing the government nothing. Independent budget experts estimate McCain's plan would cost tens of billions each year, though details are too fuzzy to allow for exact estimates.

* Palin wrongly claimed that “millions of small businesses” would see tax increases under Obama’s tax proposals. At most, several hundred thousand business owners would see increases.


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Obama in mortal danger?

I'll have to search for more articles on this subject, but it's very alarming to me that more isn't being written/discussed about assassination attempts on Obama. There's been several white supremacy groups who have been in the news lately and now this.

Another assassination attempt

Remember the guys on crystal meth who tried to get into the DNC with semi-automatic rifles? I love how that was written off as "they weren't serious and were on drugs." So if you smoke crack you can do whatever you want?! Brilliant logic.

You gotta love a political party who's platform is encouraging for white supremacists, suburban methheads and gun rights advocates. Proud to be an American? Darn tootin'!

Will the Monobrow take out the Cubbies?

See more funny videos at Funny or Die


I knew Fontenot gets all the snatch.


Good luck Cubbies.

Please make us proud and make this our year.

Here's some cool old photos of people waiting in line outside of Wrigley Field for tickets to their last World Series appearance.



Hey Glasnost, you're history.

It takes a frigid bitch to start up the Cold War again!



Seriously, is World War III that unrealistic a scenario if McCain/Palin are elected? War Games was on TV a couple of weeks ago (don't judge) and it's funny because since the late 1980's, the notion of WW3 stopped being discussed. It was as if everyone realized large scale wars (as opposed to the civil wars going on in countries as we speak) are futile since everyone would be annihilated. Based on Palin's recent interviews in the past 2 weeks, it's clear she has intentions on further pissing off the rest of the international community (if you've traveled abroad recently or know someone who has, you know how the USA is now viewed in other countries) and starting several conflicts with several other nations.

Are we "the land of the free and the home of the brave" or the land of puritanism and the home of the arrogant?

Damn, now I'm bummed out again. I love this country so much. That's why it hurts so much to see all of this going down. Sad.