Thanksgiving ruined? No pumpkin pie?!!!

Yes, you read the title correctly. Word on the pumkinvine is there won't be enough pumpkin pie to go around this year and we'll have to give thanks for sweet potato pie. Oh the humanity.

No, but seriously. How ironic is it the organic pumpkins yielded a better crop than mass production?

Bad sex

You know the sex scene in a movie is bad when it makes you rethink why you were looking forward to the movie in the first (bascially for the sex scenes). Here's a list of movies who fit this category perfectly. I'd like to add Basic Instinct 2 while we're at it! Whatta waste.

Subway $5 foot-longs a fluke

Interesting article explaining how the Subway chain came up with their successful $5 foot-long campaign from franchises who were innovative and cheap.

Cornell sex scandal

A scandal broke last week where 2 employees at Cornell University accidentally sent a private email thread to the entire University. The big problem? It was an email thread detailing their affair with each other (both are separately married) and how little work they get donw during the day. Lazy sluts!

Click on the link to view the entire thread, which is quite entertaining, I must say. One of the gems emailed during their workday:

And I will be SO F*CKING HORNY after I get done SPANKING that FINE A*S of yours for hours, you’ll be FULL for a week after you swallow me! And I hear that C*M is an excellent source of protein, as well as other nutrients!!!

Class all the way! The link also shows a photo of a gentleman and a lady these two pathetic, white trash cheaters.

I can't decide what's more sad: reading how the woman is tired of her kids and her home life OR reading how much a grown man gets into being tickled. Seriously, this guy goes from bj to tickle torture every second he gets. True torture is knowing these two idiots were paid for six hours of freaky deaky forplay.

Is there free checking for crackheads?

Ever wonder if your broker was smoking meth when he told you to invest? Well, he may have been. Or if not, he may just be laundering money for meth dealers. A Chicagoland bank was charged in laundering money for drug trafficking!

Hey, what's the interest on a meth laundered account? If it's higher than 6%, I'm switching banks! Hey, it's a bad economy out there. Follow the money.

Link between early television exposure and later problems with attention span?

I do think kids are exposed way too early these days to television (and generations of ADHD kids are propagated), but blaming dvds for lazy parenting is an all new low. I mean, I've seen minivans on the road with infants in carriers watching tv in the backseat. (BTW, I notice because the carriers should be facing the other way, but don't get me started on those parental units.)

How is it a scam to sell dvds that at least try to be educational, since you're plopping your kid in front of the boob tube anyway?

Multiple Mes8ings

I've managed to avoid posting about the Gosselins, simply because my wife used to make me watch their show against my will and I've hated them the whole time. Well, I used to think he was a decent guy who married a witch, but he truly is a douchebag at this point. She's been elevated from witch to "See U Next Tuesday" becuase her mothering, cooking and cleaning perfection didn't rely on her own elbow grease: she's had a hired staff all along.

Not that I care to discuss them anymore, but I thought it was ironic they know the best thing for their dogs (if not receiving the attention they need...) should be removed from the situation. Ah, how about doing the same for your own kids?!!!

Bugs do the darndest things.

Pink is the new green in the bug world!

The death of crocs

Good riddance. I feel bad people lost their jobs, but these plastic shoes need to go. They look like my dead grandma's gardening shoes. Seriously, the Teva craze in the 90's made more sense...at least those are athletic and have good traction. And can get wet. Crocs are swiss-cheese shoes that people seem to find suitable to wear out. To dinner. Shopping. To the movies. And people decorate them! Writing on your Air Jordans or Converse was cool. Bedazzling your crocs isn't!

RIP crocs. May you die a slow death. But I hope your factory workers find work soon. :>))

Save water, pee in the shower!

Who knew all these years I was an environmentalist? Brazil has a commercial running on it's airwaves advocating people to piss in the shower to save water (flushing toilets wastes gallons of water in your home every day). Yes, I will do my part. Not only for Brazil, but also because I'm lazy in the morning and don't want to use the toilet then shower for the mother Earth!

Want Vincent Gallo to be your baby daddy?

In weird news, the actor Vincent Gallo will sell his sperm on his website for cash. As if that wasn't crazy enough, he's a racist mofo to boot. I think it's funny that he assumes a chick walking down to her local bar for sperm isn't the better option. Vincent looks like a scrawny junkie and his acting is even thinner. Although, for a crazy dude, getting an actress to perform fellatio on film (in "The Brown Bunny") was genius.

Are all Palin women tramps?

Probably not. But I think it's funny how many loony people in the world think it's serious business when statements like that are made. Um, it's called First Amendment rights here in the US and it's the same right that allows people con loco to protest in the streets...over nothing. Don't these people have anything better to do in the middle of the day? Nope and I don't care asa long as they keep providing genius video clips like this! I'm hoping to work some of these Letterman topical gems into a family party tonight:

"He made A-Rod a pervert too."

"He's too old to be on that damn show anyway. He's not even funny. He's a jerk." (NOTE: Letterman is only 3 years older than Leno.)

"I don't watch...I only watch Fox News channel." (And doing so will definitely bring the crazies...)

"They're Fascists and Communists."

"His son was born out of wedlock. I believe there's a term for that." (Avoiding alimony?)

"How dare he? When he has a bastard son and a slut for wife!" (So they are married then? I'm so confused...I wish Fox News would explain to me.)

"Socialism is evil." (I knew Medicare was Dave's fault!)

"Clean your house and you'll see how this economy will come back."

"He will rape them with his mouth! He is a verbal pedophile."

old school baseball team names

Can you tell I'm searching Wiki today? I thought this listing of the original teams listed in the NL and AL back in 1901 was neat.

Chicago White Sox = Chicago White Stockings (after the Cubs gave up the stockings name)
Chicago Cubs = Chicago Orphans (worst team name ever)

Here's the funny ones:

Brooklyn Superbas? (the Yankees were so "superba" in their play)
Boston Beaneaters? (this is actually kinds cool, and better than "Red Stockings")

Converts are the worst bigots.

Being a Chicago transplant, I'd never heard of this before: the Max Headroom broadcast signal intrusion incident!

On November 22, 1987, during The 9 O'Clock News sportscast, WGN-TV's Chicago area signal was hijacked for approximately 25 seconds by an unknown person wearing a Max Headroom mask. This was only the first incident of that night involving the interruption of a television station's broadcast signal. Approximately two hours later, Chicago PBS station WTTW (channel 11) had its broadcast interrupted by the same person. WGN-TV's analog transmitter is atop the John Hancock Center and engineers were almost immediately able to thwart the video hacker by changing the studio-to-transmitter frequency, thus cutting the hacker off. Unfortunately for WTTW, its transmitter is atop Sears Tower and it was unable to stop the hacker before enduring almost two minutes of the hacker's interruption. These two stations are two of only six existing victims of what is called "broadcast signal intrusion". Subscription television network HBO, WJLA-TV, Playboy TV and the Comcast cable system in Tucson, Arizona are the other victims.

And the person or persons has never been caught! Clearly, no oone's been bragging about this for 20 years or they would've been caught. how do you not brag about this? This is one of those things you tell your kid when they're 18...show'em you were a bad-azz once!

And here's a link to the real Max Headroom getting his costume on. I thought it was computer generated too. Clearly, I was not a smart kid in 1987.

A chickouse?

50% mouse, 50% chicken. 100% creepy. this is a strong argument for why mankind should not be messing with Mother Nature by cross-breeding...

10 Best TV Show Finales

I forgot the link to where I found this list of the 10 Best TV Show Finales, so I can't redirect to who's opinion this is (and why some of us beg to differ). Here's the list and I'll add my comments after each one. I thought it was interesting that not only are most of these recently ended shows (easily the past 5 to 10 years), which overlooks many great endings to television shows before 5 years ago (MASH being the only "oldie" listed), but most are genre specific (with crazy, rabidly loyal small fan bases) or were on cable (again limiting the number of viewers.

10. "Exeunt Omnes," Oz
Did anyone stick around long enough to watch this finale? If the finale was anything like the show, it ended with a group shower scene raping with the shanking of a skinhead by an African prisoner.
9. "Discos and Dragons," Freaks and Geeks
Heard it was a great show, but there was only 1 season. Can a finale for only 1 season be considered one of the best ever?
8. "Made in America," The Sopranos
The morning after this finale, everyone agreed it sucked. Fade to black. No ending at all. No one gets killed, no one rides off into the sunset. Now the armchair quarterbacks say it's one of the 10 greatest ever? They should be whacked.
7. "Christmas Special," The Office
Huh? The British Office? That no one in America watches?
6. "Daybreak," Battlestar Galactica
Big deal, they tied up lose ends and solved who's a Cylon and who's not. Is that novel?
5. "Goodbye, Farewell and Amen," M*A*S*H
This should be number 1. No doubt. I was never a big MASH fan, but it ended perfectly...the model for all tv show endings, IMO.
4. "Development Arrested," Arrested Development
They're making an Areested Development movie now, so should this be considered a finale anymore?
3. "Chosen," Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I can live with this at #3. This was a good ending. While it didn't follow the model MASH laid down, it ended the only way this wacky and innovative show could: with an all out bloodbath (with witty banter!) to save the world.
2. "Not Fade Away," Angel
This show lasted long enough to warrant a finale? Who knew.
1. "Everyone's Waiting," Six Feet Under
And after watching this finale, if you managed to not be depressed enough to kill yourself, congrats!

If you have to make the tree look bigger, you've got bigger smaller problems than hair.

This is kind of funny. Not sure if it's a legit commercial endorsed by Gillette or not. Basically, it's a "how to" video on how to shave a man's "twig and berries" area. I gotta say the guy cartoon in this video looks way to happy to have a razor on his junk. And the guy looks like a douche wannabe hipster. If they're going to play the "trim the bush to make the tree look bigger card," shouldn't the guy in the video look more like a real guy, not a metrosexual douche who manscapes? Let's be honest, most men who have to "pull the skin taught" (OUCH!!!) to "let the razor do the work," probably need to suck in their gut to even see where the razor should go. Scary and not a task the average dude should be doing without having the phone next to him to call 911 if something get's nicked. Yowza!

There's also videos on how to shave you chest, armpits back and head. OK, head makes sense and it's a cool alternative to growing out a comeover for balding. But, the back I think you need to go the professional route with electrolysis. And shaving your chest? Seriously, just carve the word "douchebag" in your chest. Trust me, it'll produce the same effect.

Yeah, armpit hair gets in the way all the time. Makes sense. Not so much. A man who decides to shave his pits should continue his glamification by going to his nearest tanning salon to buy 12 new sessions and then head out to "da club" later that night to debut his new hairless guns while sipping on mojitos. Too kool 4 skool!

On a more serious note, if you're contemplating manscpaing or have douche friends who may, please stop. If we've learned nothing from listening to women bitch about how much of a pain it is to shave their entire bodies, it's that we (men) don't want the same fate.

America: Land of Useless Legislation and Wasted Efforts

We can't pass bills to fund schools so our future generations have access to quality education, but politicians can waste their time on this? Politicians wasting our tax dollar and their time is nothing new. What burns me about this bill is it's flawed in its sponsor's [Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.)] own agenda!

“Does that mean 2009 is not the year of the Bible?”

6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon Skankiness

I thought this was pretty funny. Remember in high school or college when people would flow chart or concept map who's hooked up with who? Probably not the smartest thing because all it does is point out who's a slut (which at the time you think is cool, but years later realize is skanky). Well, that's what the website WHO'S DATED WHO is all about. Only, it's with celebrities, so you get all of the fun without the self-loathing about you and your skank friends having crusty crotches.

Gotta love babies, right?

Babies puking. Enough said.