Saturday, May 30, 2009

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus Pluto

The things women think "woo" men are sweet notions, but let's be realistic. Here's the real list of 5 things that make men smile (I won't limit to a particular order, since every man is different):

1. Sex
2. Sports
3. Beer
4. Sleep
5. Food

Single ladies: want to land a guy for the long haul? Feed him (cook or go out), encourage him to drink, update him on the sports scores that night (he'll think you're cooler than Mary from "There's Something About Mary"), give him some action (at least 2nd base, but not a homerun...don't be a prude if you want to seal the deal) and then let him sleep. He'll be in love the next morning. Trust this.


I still don't get why people think Twitter is of use other than telling people mundane happenings in their lives. Yes, even more mundane than the crap you post on Facebooks or MySpace or LinkedIn. Twitter does nothing to improve on those social networking sites, other than expediting ways in which self-promoters and spammers can capitalize on innovative technology and people's leisure. Even Kanye agrees. And he's pissed.

At least one funny comedy to debut in Fall 2009.

Unfortunately, the mindless masses won't watch and it'll get cancelled in 4 weeks. Typical for network TV these years.

Best TV show hangouts

Kind of self explanatory. Click HERE.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Movie urban legends

Can you believe it? None of these urban legends in movies are true, based on this article. The Three Men and a Baby ghost is real. I don't care what anyone says. It looks like a little boy, then the camera cuts and *poof* looks like Ted Danson in a tux. I'm not buying this explanation 100%.

And I thought the Wizard of Oz myth was some dude hanging from a rope in the background of a forest scene? I use3d to think this was true, but I just did a search for the video on youtube and I don't see much, but doesn't mean it didn't happen. Just wasn't caught 100% on film. Ghosts and evil is tricky like that. They don't play.

Keep ing up with the Jones' maybe wealthy

It's a said day when making six figures isn't considered wealthy. Inflation and the fleecing of America make it impossible to be comfortable for under six figures a year (and still put money away i savings). Sad. I try to stay grounded/realistic by remembering that my parents first living room furniture was lawn chairs.


Big Oil needs to pay for X-mas party 2009

I already posted about gas prices rising recently without many people noticing. Well, it's still going up and doesn't show a slowdown. The fleecing of America continues. I read that gas prices have increased 96% since December 2008 (5 months ago) and 33% since the beginning of May 2009. And it's getting worse. Think about that next time you fill up your car's tank or pay your gas bill or buy a plastic product. We bring this on ourselves.

A chickouse?

50% mouse, 50% chicken. 100% creepy. this is a strong argument for why mankind should not be messing with Mother Nature by cross-breeding...

10 Best TV Show Finales

I forgot the link to where I found this list of the 10 Best TV Show Finales, so I can't redirect to who's opinion this is (and why some of us beg to differ). Here's the list and I'll add my comments after each one. I thought it was interesting that not only are most of these recently ended shows (easily the past 5 to 10 years), which overlooks many great endings to television shows before 5 years ago (MASH being the only "oldie" listed), but most are genre specific (with crazy, rabidly loyal small fan bases) or were on cable (again limiting the number of viewers.

10. "Exeunt Omnes," Oz
Did anyone stick around long enough to watch this finale? If the finale was anything like the show, it ended with a group shower scene raping with the shanking of a skinhead by an African prisoner.
9. "Discos and Dragons," Freaks and Geeks
Heard it was a great show, but there was only 1 season. Can a finale for only 1 season be considered one of the best ever?
8. "Made in America," The Sopranos
The morning after this finale, everyone agreed it sucked. Fade to black. No ending at all. No one gets killed, no one rides off into the sunset. Now the armchair quarterbacks say it's one of the 10 greatest ever? They should be whacked.
7. "Christmas Special," The Office
Huh? The British Office? That no one in America watches?
6. "Daybreak," Battlestar Galactica
Big deal, they tied up lose ends and solved who's a Cylon and who's not. Is that novel?
5. "Goodbye, Farewell and Amen," M*A*S*H
This should be number 1. No doubt. I was never a big MASH fan, but it ended perfectly...the model for all tv show endings, IMO.
4. "Development Arrested," Arrested Development
They're making an Areested Development movie now, so should this be considered a finale anymore?
3. "Chosen," Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I can live with this at #3. This was a good ending. While it didn't follow the model MASH laid down, it ended the only way this wacky and innovative show could: with an all out bloodbath (with witty banter!) to save the world.
2. "Not Fade Away," Angel
This show lasted long enough to warrant a finale? Who knew.
1. "Everyone's Waiting," Six Feet Under
And after watching this finale, if you managed to not be depressed enough to kill yourself, congrats!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Tarkenton bitch slaps Favre

He kind of sums up what a most Bears fans have been saying all along: ungrateful and overrated.

Zune to crush iPhone

Not that I'm a supporter of Microsoft continuing to expand their monopolized empire, but I think I hate proprietarized Apple a little more. The new Zune HD phone will bascially be one-stop shopping for all of your entertainment needs.

If you have to make the tree look bigger, you've got bigger smaller problems than hair.

This is kind of funny. Not sure if it's a legit commercial endorsed by Gillette or not. Basically, it's a "how to" video on how to shave a man's "twig and berries" area. I gotta say the guy cartoon in this video looks way to happy to have a razor on his junk. And the guy looks like a douche wannabe hipster. If they're going to play the "trim the bush to make the tree look bigger card," shouldn't the guy in the video look more like a real guy, not a metrosexual douche who manscapes? Let's be honest, most men who have to "pull the skin taught" (OUCH!!!) to "let the razor do the work," probably need to suck in their gut to even see where the razor should go. Scary and not a task the average dude should be doing without having the phone next to him to call 911 if something get's nicked. Yowza!

There's also videos on how to shave you chest, armpits back and head. OK, head makes sense and it's a cool alternative to growing out a comeover for balding. But, the back I think you need to go the professional route with electrolysis. And shaving your chest? Seriously, just carve the word "douchebag" in your chest. Trust me, it'll produce the same effect.

Yeah, armpit hair gets in the way all the time. Makes sense. Not so much. A man who decides to shave his pits should continue his glamification by going to his nearest tanning salon to buy 12 new sessions and then head out to "da club" later that night to debut his new hairless guns while sipping on mojitos. Too kool 4 skool!

On a more serious note, if you're contemplating manscpaing or have douche friends who may, please stop. If we've learned nothing from listening to women bitch about how much of a pain it is to shave their entire bodies, it's that we (men) don't want the same fate.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Green Lantern trailer

I've posted fan produced movie trailers before (He-Man, GI Joe) and I'm always amazed at how high quality they are. And how much they make me want to see those movies. Here's an example of a possible upcoming Green Lantern movie starring Nathan Fillion:

Or could it be that the format/formula for trailers is so fine-tuned that trailers make anything look entertaining? Oh, my fragile little mind get sucked in again!

American TV sinking again?

I swear every year American TV networks release statements about how many great shows are due to debut in the upcoming Fall schedule. Most of them wind up stinking. And the few that are good, in my opinion, get dropped in the first 4 weeks of programming and you never get an ending/finale at all. "Community," "The Goode Family" and "Parenthood" look funny, so I'll look forward to watching 3 episodes before they're canceled!

New V miniseries preview

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Kiefer "At least it's not reefer" Sutherland

Kiefer has more than a drinking problem, IMO. That being said, he's probably that dude who's hilarious to party with because when he's sober he's all cranky and normal but then turns into Frank the Tank with some shots.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Happy Memorial Day weekend!

This weekend is supposed to be about remembering American soldiers who have done so much for this country. Even if I don't agree with war, I do appreciate soldiers being dedicated and carrying out the job they signed up for. That said, I'd like to honor those soldiers: by posting photos of chicks in bikinis to celebrate the beginning of summer (cause that's kind of what the weekend is about too).

NOTE: I've had these photos to spank it to on my laptop forever. If anyone can figure out where they're from, I'll prviide the link. I think it was a website called "Las Vegas CR" or something?

The Girls of Summer 2009

This could be my favorite post ever of today.

Click HERE for hot chicks in summer flicks!

Goonies reunion. the corner of my mind. If you're a 30-something, you can't help but be giddy while watching this. Goonies never die!

America: Land of Useless Legislation and Wasted Efforts

We can't pass bills to fund schools so our future generations have access to quality education, but politicians can waste their time on this? Politicians wasting our tax dollar and their time is nothing new. What burns me about this bill is it's flawed in its sponsor's [Rep. Paul Broun (R-Ga.)] own agenda!

“Does that mean 2009 is not the year of the Bible?”

Thank you, White Sox!

Getting big-time baseball players to play for the Cubs is hard enough. The fans can be fickle (the greatest when you're winning, the most brutal when you're losing), Cubs management and owners have always made bonehead decisions (Sam Zell is clearly no exception...) and you're always a Cub for the rest of your career (for good or for bad). When Peavy was rumored to be heading to Chicago, it seemed too good to be true and the Cubs management would have to pay big money to get him here. Well, it turns out, not as much money or convincing as thought.

You see, the White Sux GM offered a dream package (because several players are coming off the books) to Peavy to bring him to the ailing White Sux and all of Chicago (based on Chicago sports media yesterday) was on board. Too bad Peavy wasn't. He initially said he needed a week or two to think it over. Turns out, he only needed about 12 hours to decline the offer.

So thank you White Sux nation...for convincing Peavy that if he comes to Chi-town, the Cubbies are where it's at. For reassuring penny-pinching Zell that it might not take THAT MUCH money to get Peavy. For showing Peavy what a 20-1 loss looks like, on the same night he's weighing the decision.

Tell you what though, Peavy drinks like a Southsider. Jager? Only suitable for Southside bachelor parties. Period.

On a funny note, listening the 670AM (and overall sports) personalities back-peddle today is hilarious. yesterday, they were all on the Peavy bandwagon. "Great offer" from Kenny Williams, "aggressive," "early," "trying to right the ship." Today: "wasn't a good fit," "not contenders in the AL central anyway." I'll give them that he didn't want to play in the AL, but I didn't hear anyone saying that yesterday!

Gas prices up just in time to screw our summer.

This past winter was horrible. Let's just admit it. We all feared being fired/laid off. Many friends and family have been laid off, have lost their homes, have had to go back to work and have had to scale back overall. Then there's the weather. Here in the Midwest, where you can expect rough weather, it was particularly bad this year. Snow every other day, no sun and below normal cold I said, worse than usual.

So, now that summer is approaching, you can tell people are trying to find some positive in their lives. Better weather, getting in shape, grilling outside, hanging out, maybe traveling. Happiness and health, right?! Well, you might want to pop another Prozac because big oil companies aren't ready for you to pick yourself up and enjoy life again...

Gas prices have increased dramatically in the past 2 weeks (leading up to Memorial Day).

On Thursday, a gallon of unleaded averaged $2.36. That's much cheaper than the $3.80 it cost this time last year, but prices are still up about 30 cents a gallon this month, enough to make drivers flinch.

I can personally attest that gas was $2.14 2 weeks ago and is now around $2.75, so that's a 1/3 increase, much larger than the "average." What I love about these articles that justify "it's only an extra $0.30 a gallon" aren't honest about the situation most Americans are in: the worst economy since the Great Depression and an extra $20 a month ($.30 x 16 gallon tank x 4 weeks, conservative if you consider most metro commutes) isn't a big deal. Honestly, that's $20 less being injected into the economy via shopping!

Gas is no exception. For much of this year, there has been a glut of gasoline in storage around the country, keeping prices low. And demand has been light because of the poor economy. But gasoline has jumped in May. Oil refineries, trying to make money just like any other business, are taking in less oil because of the glut in gas, and those cutbacks are showing up at the pump.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't oil companies and refineries one of the few industries making profits these days? Aren't they having booming times? I must've missed the newspaper headline announcing Exxon, BP and Amaco layoffs...

The real reason for the recent gas hike? Big oil greed, as usual:
Investing momentum feeds on itself, and government data suggests speculative trades are on the rise, meaning people are buying in simply because they know they can sell for a quick profit. 'There's no lack of gasoline right now or the lack of ability to produce it, and anyone who says speculators are not playing a role in this run is delusional,' said Tom Kloza, publisher and chief oil analyst at the Oil Price Information Service. The same thing happened last year, to a much greater extent. Because when the Wall Street crisis struck and the economy tanked, oil prices collapsed. Gas fell to $1.61 by the end of the year.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

What is love?

I'm usually not down with romantic movies, romantic comedy movies, etc. But since this seems kind of personal and quirky, it doesn't look half bad. At least it features awkward-looking real people looking for love. Looks better than that crappy Juno flick. Man, was that overhyped and unrealistic.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon Skankiness

I thought this was pretty funny. Remember in high school or college when people would flow chart or concept map who's hooked up with who? Probably not the smartest thing because all it does is point out who's a slut (which at the time you think is cool, but years later realize is skanky). Well, that's what the website WHO'S DATED WHO is all about. Only, it's with celebrities, so you get all of the fun without the self-loathing about you and your skank friends having crusty crotches.

Didn't you get the memo?

So, work has been kicking my butt and I haven't been able to post much. Thus, some new posts will seem old because I'm lazy. I see things I want to link to or post about, so I save them for later. Only now I'm too lazy to re-save and post them as new entries. If you care, look at recent past posts and maybe you'll see something you enjoy. or not. Like I said, I'm lazy. You need to accept that and move on. Hopefully to an old post!

That being said I also might change the way tags are listed to help you find posts b y category. Not that I'm great at tagging, but my lazy arse tries. Seriously, I'm falling asleep while posting this. Can you spontaneously develop narcolepsy?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Gotta love babies, right?

Babies puking. Enough said.

Sherlock Holmes trailer

I gotta say this looks better than I would've thought. Still, could be received like Will Smith's "Wild, Wild West." Ouch.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Hot golfer. Yeah, I said it.

Where did Maria Verchenova come from? Never heard of her before today. I'm fairly sure she's the Danica Patrick or Anna Kournakova of golfing, but that's not entirely a bad thing. Well, it's bad for her if she wants to be taken seriously. Good for horny mofos like me who want to look at her while spanking it watching golf.

Is Montauk the gate to Hell or something?

One of my first posts was about the Montauk monster. So, a year after starting this blog I think it's only fitting to revisit this fascinating, and mysterious conspiracy. OK, it's not that fascinating because all of the "monster" photos are of completely different and fake looking carcasses. And it's not that mysterious since almost anything can float ashore on East Coast beaches. (True story, I was at a beach on the East Coast and an announcement came over the PA saying the beach was closing immediately. The next day the newspaper said a severed head in a garbage bag floated on shore. True story!!) Anyway, I digress...

The Montauk moster. You popped my blogging cherry and disappeared. Typical.

Seriously though, why are "monsters" with legs, claws and fangs floating ashore? Wouldn't it make sense for them to be discovered in a forest or something?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Seth McFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy

In case Family Guy wasn't raunchy enough for you: more from Seth McFarlane!


Interesting movie. Geek romantic comedy? TiMER

Friday, May 8, 2009

Kinda sad. Kinda funny.



Obama: git r done

Finally, some good news about the economy.

Many believe the economy could start growing again by summer or, more likely, by the final quarter of this year, as the impact of tax cuts and increased government spending on big public works projects contained in Obama's $787 billion stimulus package takes hold.

So much for Obama's first 100 days being mixed results. Kind of fitting his first 100 days saw major agendas (end of the war, Stimulus Plan, repairing international relations) for success drafted similar to the 100 days FDR drafted the New Deal.

Obama has signed more executive orders, memoranda and proclamations in his first 100 days than any president since Franklin Roosevelt. One notable order lifted former President George W. Bush's restrictions on federal funding for human embryonic stem cell research. Obama also spent more of those first months outside the country than any of his 43 predecessors, according to the American Presidency Project .

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Sci-fi fanboys:go back to film school. And take Lucas back with you.

I thought it would be cool to take a poll on sci-fi movies. It was until I started seeing the results of the poll voting showing a stonrg preference towards all things George Lucas. Rigged? Not not, really. Just a bunch of Star Wars dorks who can't accept that midi-clorans and Jar Jar Binks tainted even the original 3 movies. (And that's coming from a guy who has a framed piece of Empire Strikes back wrapping paper from whn he was a kid (circa '83!).

The poll is of the Best and Worst Sci-fi movies ever. I'll sum up the categories that pissed me off some of the categories and the leaders for each:

Q. What's the best sci-fi movie of all time?
Blade Runner
The Matrix
Star Wars (LEADER)
* OK, I can deal with this although I voted "Aliens."

Q. What's the best franchise of all time?
Star Trek
Star Wars (LEADER, even tough it includes thru 2005!)
* I can agree with this provide the last 3 films released aren't counted. Sorry, but the same applies to the other contenders: Ali3n and Alien 4 sucked, so did Matrix 2 and 3.

Q. Most underrated film?
Dark City (awesome)
Last Starfighter (cool at the time)
Pitch Black (good flick)
Serenity (LEADER; wasn't anyone else disappointed by this movie?)
Starman (romantic sci-fi?)
Tron (freaking amazing!!!!)

Basically, Star Wars is winning all of the "Best" categories and spared in the "Worst."

WTF? People are looking forward to a Robocop remake more than the Tron sequel. For this reason, fanboys deserve to not be getting laid.

Jon and Kate Plus Hate

My wife loves the show Jon & Kate Plus 8 on TLC. I personally can't stand how the Gosselins Kate makes the chaos a large family seem so perfect. Seriously, she might as well turn to the camera and say, "I have eight kids, which is more than you, so I'm a better parent than you." So, naturally I'm loving the recent headlines that are revealing that not only is she and her life not perfectly planned out, but there's shady stuff going down. And I'm not talking her wacky haircut.

First, Kate's husband was accused of flirting with co-eds in college bars. Then, he was linked to having an affair with some home wrecker. (Not that anyone blames Jon the husband; on the show, Kate notoriously berates and belittles Jon to the point that he's been symbolically castrated.) Now we're finding out, Kate's been banging her bodyguard all along! Open marriage anyone?

So what's the problem here again? They make millions on a tv show and with books, get laid by hot lovers on the side and don't have to watch their kids much? Sounds like a dream to me!!

Firing up the synapses.

Honestly, I have the mind of an 80 year old. So I definitely need to know about potential brain foods.

Michael Savage banned from entering England

Well, at least one country knows how to handle conservative assh*les. He should be banned just for being conceited enough to change his name from "Weiner" to "Savage." Isn't Weiner a Jewish last name? Is he a mate-mongering Jew?

How ironic would it be for him to be Jewish and on the same ban list as skinheads, neo-Nazis and the KKK?!!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I blame Packers fans.

Geez, Perez Hilton has a good drawing hand; it's hard to draws doodles!

Brett Favre looking to get revenge on Cheesehead nation un-retire? Again.

How low Favre has sunk now. From NFL greatness at Green Bay, to seeming petty and old on the Jets and now? Resentful and bitter. Paging Terrell Owens: need a new best friend?

Why MBA's don't rule the world

Warren Buffett and Charles Munger made remarks at the Berkshire Hathaway Inc. shareholder meeting this past weekend. Most of it is the same armchair quarterbacking everyone is doing now with the economic crisis: stocks were over-valued, houses were over-valued, newspapers are dying, etc. Their remarks on investment knowledge/training/"expertise" I would like to highlight though, since I believe it to be true in my gut:
"There is so much that's false and nutty in modern investing practice and modern investment banking, that if you just reduced the nonsense, that's a goal you should reasonably hope for," Mr. Buffett said. Regarding complex calculations used to value purchases, he said: "If you need to use a computer or a calculator to make the calculation, you shouldn't buy it."

Said Mr. Munger: "Some of the worst business decisions I've ever seen are those with future projections and discounts back. It seems like the higher mathematics with more false precision should help you, but it doesn't. They teach that in business schools because, well, they've got to do something."

Mr. Buffett said: "If you stand up in front of a business class and say a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, you won't get tenure....Higher mathematics my be dangerous and lead you down pathways that are better left untrod."

I took an introductory MBA course through work years ago and my impression of the course at the time was "WTF?" similar to Buffett's sentiment above. I'd taken Macro and Micro econ courses in the past, so it's not as if the course was foreign entirely, yet I felt out of place and not understanding the point of the charts and calculus being forced on me. I remember thinking, "And how is this going to better my career and make me more savvy?" I came to the conclusion it didn't and I left the course and didn't go back. I figured me arranging for my work to pay for the course was savvy and I would better my career by actually working past 5 PM instead of skipping over to class!

NOTE: I'm not wealthy (so I would need an $85,000 loan to get an MBA) and I'm not where I want to be in my career, but I have a decent job (with some security) and I can pay my bills. Which is more than can be said by a bunch of MBA grads who got canned working for companies that caused the economic collapse! Hope calculus and graphs help them in their interviews. Or help them designing new iPhone apps, the latest entrepreneurial craze (which is more about programming than anything).

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

iPhone down

Yeah, bitches. Crackberry takes the lead! Can you tell what kind of smartphone I have?

In the Parenthood

Being a father who's life has been turned upside down (in a great, but chaotic way), I had to post this preview for a new NBC show in development. I loved the movie Parenthood, which it seems like had more comedy than this tv show version, but this looks good too. Plus, my daughter loves "Pop Goes The Weasel," so how could I not post this video!

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra official trailer!