Friday, December 12, 2008

Simple magic.

They're back: my Magic Bullet crew! They actually don't appear until the 2:30 mark of the video. And what a long 2 minutes and 30 seconds. Boring. We get Magic Bullet can go anywhere. How do you clean it though? With spit and leaves? I guess you can dip in the water when you're on the boat (margarita slop is great for the environment!). So, when we visit my crew at the 2:30 mark, Mick (who has a Scottish brogue...what are the chances?) and his new gal (I don't think this is Mimi?) come back from a hike to cook for their friends. The ladies have moved on to new dudes (so they're omelet whores AND complete whores) and Berman by himself again. Everyone looks like they shopped LL Bean's Spring catalog, except Berman, who looks like a Boy Scout molester. How about all of the natural ingredients brought along while camping? Omlet ingredients, iced coffee ingredients and (don't we all bring milk when camping? It keeps so well!), fresh fruit (again, keeps well). Who comes to the rescue to alert these bitches that flapjacks are a real camping food? Hazel, who returns Bermans socks while calling him "big boy." How are socks involved in sexy time? Mouth gags to keep the noise down? They couldn't have been that loud the night before because everyone was surprised they were doing the humpty hump the night before. BTW, they're pretty judgemental. Hazel and Berman finally get some and everyone is repulsed. Nice friends! Additionally, why is Berman so grouchy after getting laid? Maybe Hazel's "sock trick" didn't do it for him. They chop garlic, onions, etc. We've seen it before, although seeing it while camping makes it seem all the more treacherous. Not a cutting board in the woods! The video (Part 1) ends with making 3 bean chili, which was not made using the product, but rather a skillet. Great marketing!

Onto Part 2! Actually, I'm kind of bored with my crew in Part 2. Making more chicken salad? Egg salad? No one eats that shit unless it comes from a vending machine at work. Well, except the guy who creams his shorts at the 1:27 second mark when he SEES the egg salad. The 3 bean chili is ready and it looks like runny caca. Then, as my crew is about to get freaky deaky on the beach, the video ends. What happens at the beach? Does Mick build sandcastles with the Magic Bullet mugs? Do Berman and Hazel go to the beach or hang back at camp for more sock fun? Guess we'll never know.

Just remember: "You can do any job, anywhere, in 10 seconds or less." Slut!

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